Thursday, January 10, 2013

Dreams

Do you know women who always want to have a baby?

I was never one of them. 

Or when their child leaves one stage they are sad and wish it would never have to end? 

I'm not that woman either. 

I have always loved the new stages and ages of my girls, and I guess you could say have always been satisfied with the season they entered.

I remember when Abbi was born 13 years ago I had no desire to have another baby.   Today while I thought about her, I heard Sid the Sloth from Ice Age say, "She completes me."  And that's what Abbi did.  Not only did she complete our family, but she was born of my heart and completed me.

Which is exactly why Stacy and I have never wanted to adopt another child. 

This season we are in...one in college...one starting the teen years is perfectly fine with us!  Comfortable you might say.  I even got a new car that doesn't look like a mini-van.  I love Antonio!  (He's my Murano who drives me around town.)  I am working on building my nutritional consulting business.  We downsized when we moved and are dreaming of what we want the next decade of life to look like.

Adopting is not in that picture.  Surely God can understand that we have hopes for our children? We want to break the spiritual chains that have taken down our families of the past.  We want to be available to them. We want to buy music lessons for future grandchildren, take our family on trips.  If one day our girls marry and move away, we want to have the financial freedom to visit multiple times a year.  We want to lavish them with love, not just monetary things but give them a new generation of Christian family that they will be able to pass on to their children.  We have dreams....

Pretty sure our heart motives our pure, and God would honor that, right?

Well the other night Stacy received a word of prophecy.  (I hope to do it justice since I wasn't present.)  His friend saw a kite and the tail kept getting added on to.  Evidently the longer the tail of a kite the more stable it becomes.  And he heard the word LEGACY. 

Well crap.  Is the addition to the tail a picture of us adding to our family?  I got the legacy part.  I like that word.  I'm not certain I like the other part. 

Actually to coin Stacy's words, "My will is totally screaming NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

And so today as we both struggle with not only missing our coffee, we struggle more with our will.  Do we really want to hear God?  Are we willing to put aside our dreams?  Our will? 

You see, I've never seen God give someone the whole game plan for their life in one day.  Regardless of this outcome, it is always the road that we are willing to travel that matters.  This journey called faith isn't a "one and done", it's an everyday choice to walk his path. And as I type this I see us walking the journey looking at a hill ahead. I'm thinking we might need to lose some weight to make it up this climb.  But is it weight or is it our will that needs to go?

Candie




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